Talking Symptoms - Episode Two: Menopause and Me by Stephanie Unthank
A little taken back by the response from blog post one. Thanks for the support, comments and the engagement everyone. The inbox messages and the comments from you all have given me reason to keep writing.
Stephanie x
Talking Symptoms - Episode Two
In the first episode, 'where it all began,' I spoke about me and my initial early perimenopause signs and began to talk about some of the symptoms in detail. I reviewed my list and realised I had left a few symptoms off, so here goes with an updated version:
Migraine and headache
Low mood and severe irritability, short tempered
Burning mouth, mouth ulcers, burning tongue, feet and hands
Pins and needles
Jumping legs
Tinnitus
Ridiculous aching body, muscles and bones
Joint stiffness
Anxiety
Panic attacks
Vaginal Dryness
Crying
Low confidence, decreasing self esteem
Waking up in the night for no reason
Night sweats
Eye sight deterioration
Memory loss and severe brain fog
Weight gain and body shape change
Feeling tired more than usual
I want to talk a bit more about low mood.
I want to carry on the discussion around low mood as on reflection, this has been one of the most crippling for me out of all the symptoms.
I spoke before about the 'stealth like' symptom that really does creep up on you over a period of time. I got to talking about this over the weekend with a few people and the more I talked about it the more I realised that low mood doesn't just happen over night. This chipping away at who you used to be as a person is one of the hardest things to take on board and realise the affects it is having not just on you, but your partner, your family, parents, friends, work colleagues.
At work, there are times I go into meetings and literally paint on a false smile and dig really deep to fake the energy. There have been a few times (I really don't want to think about them if I'm honest) where I have literally caused upset for the people who I truly love the most just by not letting go. These moments have left me feeling guilty, upset, crying, and apologising over and over because I can't even believe that I have behaved in such a way.
I am not that person! I never have been so why now?
The reality though is that these fallouts were never really that bad so you have a double whammy here: 1) low mood that causes you to feel really crap and makes you do and say things you don't mean; 2) the overexaggerating mind that makes you believe that what you have done is so appalling that you don't deserve to be loved anymore. When its at its worst, its literally like a big black hole is swallowing you up.p
I was speaking to my wonderful partner at the weekend, and I did admit, for the first time that it was at these moments that I had the thought of 'what's the point of it all?' Now, I want to be really clear on this. I am not and have not been suicidal and I don't write this paragraph lightly. But, we have to take low mood seriously.
I consider myself so fortunate. I have my loving, tender and caring partner who really understands me and is there for me no matter my mood; I have wonderful parents where my mum really get's me; I have some amazing close friends who are going through this or have been through it; and IMPORTANTLY I am not shy in saying stuff out loud. I do talk about how I am feeling, I do go to people when I am crying and upset and I barely ever suffer alone because I know this is what cripples me most. I also work in the wellness and mental health space, so when I am thinking irrationally, I am emotional or my mood is low, I know why. It doesn't make it better but at least I have the knowledge which is very powerful in knowing what is happening to me and my body in any moment and how to self soothe.
It's no surprise, that given all this, women go to the Drs with these symptoms to be offered antidepressants. Pleas please be careful girls with this. I'm no expert, but I have done a good bit of research on this to know that hormone change and imbalance causing low mood in perimenopause is different to that of depression, thus meaning that antidepressants in perimenopause or menopause might not cut the mustard! I came across this Instagram page, which might help a little on this subject, amongst so many other areas of research, including Davina's book 'Menopausing' chapter 7, 'Doctor, Doctor, I'm not depressed I'm menopausal.'
Burning mouth, tongue, feet and hands. How wonderful!
Let me explain a little more. Most days, (and I mean most), I suffer from a sensation of burning mouth and this really irritable tongue that feels like sandpaper. You just kinda get used to it because there isn't much I can do about it. I use mouthwash (benzydamine hydrochloride 0.15%w/v) which eases it a little and gives me a better taste in my mouth. The funny thing is, I originally went to the chemist, complaining about a sore mouth, mouth ulcers and this awful taste in my mouth. The chemist gave me this and I've been using it since. This was about 6 months ago, before I had my perimenopause epiphany to a point where I finally gave into it and did something about it.
The feet and hands are a weird one. With the feet it's like walking on hot coals, where the skin is burning or my feet feel like they are overheating. It reminds me a bit of when I used to live in heels back in the day when I would dance the night away for hours in stilettoes or wedges that probably cost less than £20 and were terrible for my feet (but I thought I looked good at the time). Now I still dance the night away but in better shoes or trainers! Then the hands, again a very strange sensation, but it's like waking up and feeling like you have been laying on your hands for hours and they have gone numb and then start to burn. Just standing here now typing, my hands are burning, stiff, achy.
Next week, I will talk about pins and needles, jumping legs and tinnitus! Deep joy.
Let's keep talking girls, we've got this if we stick together and share our stories. Much of what we all need is education and support.
We need to take the time to educate ourselves so we are armed and dangerous when we walk into the GPs for the first time; but our loved ones also need to be educated too! It's in this education we can support ourselves, receive support from others and get the professional help we need when the time calls.
Let's take back control!
