Where it all began
Hi
I'm Stephanie.
I'm 48 as I write this and made the decision to blog about my menopause journey.
I hope that my real life story helps other women find a voice to get treatment for the menopause, should it be right for them. I also hope that sharing my story helps everyone reading this (men and women) to see the signs, to work with them, to get help, to hold the discussion and to communicate well with their loved ones. Most of all, i hope I am able to help you all to own this shit! Be brave. Take control and live your life.
Menopause and Me - chapter 1
It started with the documentary: https://www.channel4.com/programmes/davina-mccall-sex-myths-and-the-menopause?cntsrc=social_share_android_davina_mccall_sex_myths_and_the_menopause
Davina and her partners did a great job of dyspelling myths around menopause and brought learning to life through story telling, science, case studies and of course Davina sharing her own unique journey. This documentary sparked an interest in 'me;' my changing body, my mind health and my overall sense of wellbeing. It was the catalyst that prepared me for what I was about to face into. I started to get curious....
The documentary was aired in May 2022, so some time has passed since then as I sit here today.
If memory serves me (which sadly it doesn't these days), I began to see and feel the symptoms of menopause and the expereinces shared on the documentary which resonated so deeply woth me around 3 years ago. Here we go....
From head to toe:
Migraine and headache
Low mood and severe irritability
Burning mouth, tongue, feet and hands
Tinnitus
Ridiculous aching body, muscles, bones
Joint stiffness
Anxiety
Panic attacks
Vaginal dryness (yep I said it!)
Crying
Low confidence, decreasing self esteem
Waking up in the night for no reason
Night sweats (although as I now understand not as bad as some women get them).
Eye sight deterioration
Memory loss, severe brain fog
What's interesting is that as I write this, we are now October 2023 and 16 months has passed since that moment of significant education! But I chose to wait, to watch, to learn before taking action. As time passed and my symptoms worsened, I found myself left in a a really strange limbo, not really knowing what was happening to me and i guess to some extent, ignoring or even dismissing the signs.
In 2019, I was taken to hospital with suspected stroke. Thankfully, that wasn't to be, but instead a severe migraine. I had never had migraine up to this point but was hit so badly by one it shook me to the core. The Dr's were concerned due to the severity of it, so followed my first of four MRI scans. The first scan came back clear.
The migraines didn't stop here, oh no they carried on with vengeance. It's s hard to explain but these migraines start at the back of my neck ans work there way up through the back of the head, across the forehead and into the temples and jaw. At their worst, which became the norm, my head would feel paralysed, stuck in a clamp that was being tightened around me. There were times when I was left incapacitated, I couldn't swallow and felt like I couldn't breath; I struggled to speak.
As I say it's now October 2023 and whilst the migraines have subsided and I have found ways to control them, they haven't gone just yet.
4 MRIs later and a diagnosis. Cervical Spine Migraine. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK507862/#:~:text=Introduction-,A%20cervicogenic%20headache%20(CGH)%20presents%20as%20unilateral%20pain%20that%20starts,(ROM)%20of%20the%20neck
Let's talk low mood.
I'm not kidding, low mood has hit me like a tone of bricks, but I didn't see it coming.
Low mood, mood swings, lack of feeling joyous, not seeing the good in life, crying, reacting to things badly, waking up in the morning and loosing my 'bounce.'
If anyone is reading this and they have known ne for a while, they would say that I am a lively character, have energy and life, I laugh a lot and I like to dance, giggle, sing and generally not take life too seriously.
Here's the thing..... I hadn't notice until now that over the past 3 or 4 years, this way of being has been fading. You see, as I look back now, I realise it's been fading slowly, almost like as I grow older so does my personality change. But I'm not willing to accept that.
Low mood feels like a greyness, a cloud that lingers over you even on a sunny day. Low mood often translates into less or little laughter, not really finding things funny anymore. For me, low mood was being quieter than usual, not communicating very well and experiencing reduced laughter and this thick greyness hanging over me that I talked aboit earlier.
It's a sad, awful place to be, especially when usually you are highly spirited, don't suffer from depression and tend to be the life and soul of a room. Its a feeling that, when you wake in the morning, you almost don't know where to begin. It's a feeling of not belonging, feeling lost and a 'I can't do this anymore' sense that follows you about.
Some days are better than others and thankfully, I have ny amazing, funny, witty partner who makes me laugh everyday.
The biggest take away for me on having low mood is that it crept up on me; a stealth like demon that doesn't hit you hard but instead, takes its time to chip away at you.
I want to keep these blogs short so next time I'm going to talk a bit more about the symptoms and I will continue with burning mouth, tongue, feet and hands.
What a joy!
With love and much kindness to all of us amazing women of the world and the people who support us.
Stephanie x x
